Editor's Note: This restaurant has now closed.

It's been so long since I first saw the "coming soon" signs for the long-promised Emporio Armani Caffé (follow link for contact details and user info) that I was slightly startled when a friend told me it had finally opened. But given that fashion is always about being first, I not only decided to rush over and check it out, but to break with my new habit of trying a place a few times being giving it a proper write-up.

The caffé, which is actually a bar/restaurant/café, is next door to an almost equally brand-new Armani boutique. It's a large and rather dramatic space, done up in a stark red-and-black color scheme, and, when we arrived as the doors were opening at noon, swarming with (I assume) Armani-clad staffers. My companion and I both quickly decided we didn't care much for the décor, in part because it all looked like it would be impossible to keep as pristine as such minimalism demands. (The menus were already a little scuffed up.) Then again, we are both food slaves, not fashion slaves. So for now, let's just focus on how the "summer collection" of things we ordered came out, rather than how the whole thing works as the city's newest temple of style.

The first impression was good: A silver basket of nice rolls and grissini (bread sticks). Plus, a friendly server, decent wines by the glass, and a big bottle of Hungarian (!) mineral water for a not too extortionate Ft 950.

Then, after an interminable intermezzo of almost 30 minutes, came the antipasti. Vitello tonnato (above, Ft 2,300) and calamaro ripieno alla mediterranea (Ft 3,600). I'm a big fan of veal with tuna sauce. This one was okay, but certainly not great. For one thing, the meat was perhaps a bit past-due. Also, it made me realize why you usually see this dish sprinkled with chopped parsley or dotted with capers. (Because otherwise it looks like cat sick.) As for the stuffed squid, they were quite good, with a rich garlicky broth. But when a starter costs €15, being good maybe isn't good enough.

While the wait for our mains wasn't as long as for our starters, what came at the end wasn't half as impressive. My linguine con spada, olive e pomodori secchi (above, Ft 3,600) was just decent, as (at least to my taste) the swordfish was over-cooked and the pasta undercooked. (I like my noodles al dente, but these were still bright white in the center.) Far worse was my increasingly aggrieved companion's risotto ai fiori di zucca e gamberi (fifth from top, Ft 3,900). While risotto, zucchini flowers, shrimp and lardo (Italian fatback) should be a combination up there with John, Paul, George and Ringo, this version was more like a drugged-out John staring at the floor while Yoko howls like a scalded cat. The risotto was simply not cooked, the shrimp were overcooked, and the few fiori di zucca looked like they'd been trampled all afternoon on the Campo de' Fiori.

Dessert wasn't much of an improvement. I'd say my torta alla ricotta e canella con salsa all'arancio (Ft 1,200) was a total dud, because every time I took a crack at it, the crust exploded like a mud hut hit by a rocket-propelled grenade. Companion's semifreddo al torroncino di cremona con salsa al cioccolato (Ft 1,200) was better, but two bites in and he was saying how for this kind of money you'd be quivering in delight at one of Baraka's famous desserts.

Speaking of money, the bill for the above plus two glasses of wine came to just under Ft 20,000 (€75), minus tip. Kudos to the management for not automatically adding a service charge, but still. Maybe they should take a hint from the boutique next door and have a little round of mark-downs. Speaking of next door, at least right now you need to travel halfway across the building to get to the restroom.

Since I'm being mean, let me just add that some of our fellow patrons were not just icky-looking but savagely so, exactly the sort of trendoids Giorgio Armani may have been thinking of when he said "the difference between style and fashion is quality." Unfortunately, the same might be said of the food at Giorgio's newest café/restaurant. Hopefully the winter collection will be better.